To Be Human
by Rocket Grunt Karl
Summary: Rin never did consider herself a human, despite the fallacy of her birth. Rin's inner thoughts on growing up with a demon, and her changing feelings. Does Sesshomaru accept Rin's humanity? And what would it take to convince her?
1. Chapter 1

_Hey everyone! This is another one-shot that eventually turned out to be too long for a single chapter, so I broke it up into two. It's basically how I perceive Rin growing up as a child raised by a demon and humans. More often then not, people seem to neglect shaping Rin's character outside of just a "happy go lucky" innocent child, even when she is portrayed as an adult. People change, and people who were raised by a demon I doubt would retain the same uppity personality they did as a kid. Especially with how badly she was treated and her affections towards her Lord. Anyway, these are just my ideas, no real fact behind them. Anyway, enjoy!_

Disclaimer states that I do not own InuYasha.

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To Be Human 

Chapter 1 

Rin wasn't a normal girl. Rin wasn't raised with kindness or compassion. She wasn't brought up in the ways of humans, nor was she taught their traditions, morals, manners or social etiquettes. In a way, it put Rin in a social category far beyond any other creature on earth. Born from one species, but raised by another. Because of this, even though Rin shared the blood of the human race, she felt no inclination of compassion for them. She felt no connection, no bond, and no fellowship.

She was orphaned at a young age, too young for her to even remember her name. For the longest time, people simply called her "girl" as she wandered through the village searching for food. It wasn't until a woman on her death bed mistook her for her daughter in the throes of her sickness that Rin took a name. She was treated like a wretch and a nuisance. She was abused, ill treated and spat on by all the villagers. She had to scrounge for food and fight the dogs for the hole to crawl into for sleep. This lifestyle made her feel unnaturally distant. Rin grew beyond her years, but socially, she was stunted immeasurably.

When she had died, Rin was a hopeless pitiless creature that no one mourned nor cared for. When she was revived, she was a new person. A new start with a new Lord and a new chance. Thus, Rin the human spent her childhood growing up with a demon. His ways became her ways. His savagery, which would normally turn the stomachs of small human children, passed over her eyes easily. His constant slew of insults towards the human race didn't offend her, for she had a disassociation with them. Rin simply didn't know anything beyond what she was taught and what she observed from her powerful demon Lord.

Most human girls grew and had dreams of getting married and baring children. Rin only had dreams of adventures and great battles. Most growing girls grew up feeling insecure about their bodies. Rin often enjoyed bathing in the moonlight without her Kimono.

Rin didn't really trust humans. She thought them slippery and violent and backstabbing, but she didn't quite hate them. Their customs were just strange and their moral values misconstrued to her. She spent her life alone and she enjoyed it as such. She was quiet and to herself, even if she did bother Master Jaken with her ramblings as a growing inquisitive child. Master Jaken and Lord Sesshomaru became her family, and it never registered how abnormal such a thing was.

Rin was thirteen when her first menstrual cycle hit.

It was a fairly normal age for a human, but Rin had no knowledge of this fact. Rin, by that point, was so used to the sight and smell of blood that she didn't react terribly to the sight of her sticky, blood slicked thighs. In fact, she hadn't noticed it when it had first sprung up on her. Lord Sesshomaru had suddenly stopped walking, and without even twitching his face, commanded Jaken to take her to the lake to tend to her feminine problems. From then on, Jaken became her guide into womanhood. He explained every question she had on the subject, from what the blood symbolized to the process of mating and that her body was preparing itself for child-bearing, even if the imp was highly uncomfortable with the constant slew of questions.

Things had changed after that. Rin found herself more emotional than before. She found herself blushing more and caught herself staring at her Lord for longer than what was considered decent. Without the human morals in her mind about what was considered modest or polite, Rin didn't suffer from the same crippling issues that plagued the female species at her age. She didn't lament over the fact that she was fairly flat chested, she didn't understand that young ladies didn't skip around and reveal their legs in a run or in hot weather. She didn't understand that staring so longingly at a man was embarrassing and indecent, or there were certain topics that you didn't bring up in the company of a male, issues of hygiene and anatomy. Rin didn't suffer from any kind of insecurity about her body what so ever. She was never given reason to, and she never had any other human to compare herself to. Lord Sesshomaru always spoke exclusively about the humans, and because of Rin's own disassociation, she never considered that he lumped her in with the rest of them. She didn't count. She wasn't one of them. She wasn't a human, after all. Not really.

When Lord Sesshomaru expressed his desire to send her to a human village shortly after her thirteenth summer (right after her cycle started, if Rin was observant enough), Rin was less than thrilled with such a proposal. As much as Rin desired to please her Lord, she didn't always enjoy his choices to (more frequently as of lately) leave her for extended periods of time by herself. This time, however, he was speaking on permanent terms. For the first time in her new life, she had protested a command from her Lord. She did not want to live among humans. She didn't like them. She had fought, yelled and cried for him not to leave her alone; cried that she only wanted to travel with him, but his words were always final. And Rin always listened.

Lady Kaede wasn't a horrible woman, but she was still— at least in Rin's mind— the woman who had officially tried to replace Lord Sesshomaru as her new ward in the human village. It was strange there. The humans lived in a lifestyle completely lost to Rin. She questioned everything, and nothing felt right at all. No matter what she saw or how she responded, she felt like nothing short of an outsider, as if she was from another country. It was isolating. A girl raised by a demon, pushed suddenly into a human setting and expected to fit in. Rin did the exact opposite, and she represented everything that the humans did not. She was a constant reminder of the beasts that lay outside their grounds. If it wasn't for Lady Kaede's protection, she was sure her treatment would have been worse then what it had been like when she was a human child.

Human child.

When Rin was ten, she had stopped referring to herself as a human. Though biologically she remained the same, after she had been revived, she no longer felt part of that race. From that moment onward, she was in the footsteps of a great Demon Lord. She wasn't too sure what she considered herself to be. Surely she wasn't a demon, but surely she couldn't be a human either. She was simply not one of them. It wasn't that Rin hated the human race like her Lord did, she simply didn't think she belonged and she never would. Their ways were foreign and she often viewed them with distaste and absurdity. It was just far too different from what she was taught. Human women at age sixteen were expected to already be married. They were expected to take care of the house and harvest food, to sew and prepare food. They were not meant to ask questions or study reading and writing. Rin hated sewing and cooking, and had no skill in it. A woman who spoke her mind was not valued. It felt to her that human's senses of morals and values were so flighty and fickle. In time, they changed so drastically at any given moment, while a demon's code of conduct remained the same solid dependable state it always was. How could humans follow something that changed so frequently that it became unpredictable and erratic, dependant and acceptable on which generation you were born into? Those seemed to be the best words that described humans in her mind. Simply put, Rin's values were far too high and clashed far too strongly with those of the humans.

Yet, she did it all for her Lord.

She pretended to be joyful, like she always was when around her Lord when he chose to visit. She would do anything for him. As much as she had matured, there was a naïve, childish part of her as well. There was a part of her that faithfully followed after her Lord and every command he gave. She could stare at him for hours, dreaming about playing with his hair. As he rarely spoke, every word he uttered was like a prayer and treated like the greatest treasure. He was her hero, her idol, father, her brother, her god, her guardian and her savior. He was her everything. And she loved him for everything.

When he sent her away, it was a crippling blow. She felt knocked off a cliff and cast off into the sea. Even though Rin had spent the majority of her youth alone, she had never been lonely. She never desired human companionship. She was completely comfortable by herself, Jaken screeching in her ears, calling her foolish and Lord Sesshomaru's eyes constantly guarding her. For the first time, Rin felt truly alone. She felt abandoned, betrayal and heartache. Never had she hurt this badly. She didn't think anything her Lord could do would hurt her, and this naivety sprung on her like a trap.

Some distant part of her knew that he wouldn't be around her forever. Some part of her knew that she would wither and he would not. She would die and he would live. Yet, some childish part of her didn't care, and expected that she would forever remain by him until death decided to snatch her away from his side. To be abandoned like an old forgotten toy a child grew bored with tore her up. She wasn't wanted, nor needed. Lord Sesshomaru surely didn't have a purpose for her. He never had, and she felt honored that he decided to keep her around as long as he had. To be cast off made her feel worse than useless. It made her feel worthless and unloved.

Her breath used to hitch when their gazes met, and a powerful sensation would tug at her belly. That feeling, that all encompassing sensation that made every other thought and sensation in and around her seem distant, imaginary and nonexistent. She didn't think something like that could be taken away from her. Even less that it could be taken from the very person she would give everything to. He had told her it was for her own good; that she needed to be with humans, but she didn't understand the reasoning behind it. Why did she need to be aware of their habitat? Why did she feel like it was just an excuse to get rid of her? What had she done? What did she do so wrong to upset her Lord so much that her presence became a burden to him? It was her biggest fear, to become a burden to the Lord she so idolized, and it was a large contributing factor to her inevitable dismissal.

She had been working in the fields one day, and her hands caught on a sharp thorn. Angry blood leaked out of the slice and it finally occurred to her. She was painfully reminded then and there that the blood running through her veins was not demon. She was only then reminded that she was a human. That must have been the reason. It made her hate the humans.

Lord Sesshomaru must have gotten tired of being in the company of a human. She had spent so much of her life detached from them, that she herself forgot that she was indeed one. The realization only made her distance herself further from the village. Kaede was the only one sharp enough to pick up her change. Even the strange, observant girl Kagome—InuYasha's mate—didn't notice her secluded behavior.

Though Rin feigned joy and laughter, she really found the woman rather irritating. At first, the woman was a sweet friend that often liked to pamper her, and Rin took her sweetness as straightforward. Yet, she noticed many things that quickly made Rin realize that her sweetness didn't cover some of her other attributes. She treated InuYasha with disrespect, often yelling and nagging at him for the slightest thing, and then getting angry when he found something to yell at her about, claiming he had no right to yell at her. Kagome was always right and InuYasha was always wrong, it was the standard rule. She found the whole ordeal rather hypocritical. Mates were supposed to be treated equal, yet the woman still had the beads around his neck to control him. Rin would never disrespect Lord Sesshomaru in such a way.

Thinking of Lord Sesshomaru and herself in a situation like InuYasha and Kagome, not as quarrelers, but as a mated couple, made her blush heavily. She had dreamed that dream so often at night. She remembered the night-filled fantasies of his glorious form bathing her in silken caresses and heated kisses. Rin ached to kiss him. To feel his lips onto hers. It made places in her body burn with yearning, and Rin's fingers had learned how to soothe the ache, appeasing her physical hunger with images and fantasies of her Lord, his touches, and his kisses

She was eighteen, and her dreams had grown more elaborate as her awareness of the act of sex became exposed to her. Kaede had explained once the ritual that followed courtships, hoping that such questions meant that Rin was searching for a suitable mate—husband as the humans called it. But the idea never even crossed her mind. The thought of taking to bed any of the humans felt disgusting to her. For some reason, Rin felt that they were all undeserving of her virginity. They were greedy and selfish and repulsive. Only one man would do for her, and he was on such a high pedestal, that anything less felt cheap and unworthy. When comparing Lord Sesshomaru to the piggish human males, Rin had decided that remaining celibate would be preferable.

Even though it had been five years since she was left there, she still found herself spending her days staring off into the West, gaze lost in thought and hope. Hope that one day he would return and take her back with him. She had grown so much since that age. No longer was she a short, shapeless scrap of a girl. In five years, her body developed femininity. While she wasn't particularly heavy breasted, her hips had swelled and her figure grew and morphed into curves that ached for child bearing. She was a vision of beauty and youth.

Lady Kaede was aware of her distant behavior around the villagers. She had expressed her concerns to her Lord during one of his visits. Lord Sesshomaru often dropped in, arms laden with some trinket or Kimono or other such gift and spent the day with his growing ward. On one occasion, Lady Kaede had expressed her growing concern over her. Rin was not mixing in with the villagers and constantly spent her days away from them. Lady Kaede expressed how she showed no interest in the young men or socialized with the other girls. Instead, she spent most of her days alone or with her.

Lord Sesshomaru's original plan was to allow Rin a chance to grow up with her own kind. Lord Sesshomaru was against such an idea at first, offering up his ward to the humans, but he saw the wisdom in it, and as Rin grew into womanhood, he recognized the signs well. He was not fit to instruct her on certain matters, and it was overdue time that she should be around her own kind. He hadn't expected her to be so abstracted from their ways that she would purposely avoid them, or that she would feel terribly out of place and isolated.

Rin never stated her displeasure when he came to visit her. She didn't wish to upset him with her trivial issues, for surely the Great Demon Lord of the West had better things to concern his time with than her. She also didn't wish to disappoint him. He expected things from her. He expected her to mingle and flourish under her own people. What would he feel if she did not do this?

When Rin had turned fifteen, the age most girls spent looking for prospective husbands, Lord Sesshomaru stopped making his visits frequent. By sixteen, when most girls were wed, he had stopped making appearances all together. It was his final word. His Lordship felt that his presence would intrude on her human mating practices, even if it was customary in the human world for the male dominate figure to pick a husband. He did expect Rin to find herself a young man, as all the other girls did. Though he didn't necessarily think any were worthy of her, it was not his choice to make, for he knew not of human men, nor did he care to. He knew not to choose for her a human, so he let her decide. Rin was capable and intelligent enough to choose someone sufficient. He felt his presence in her life at that point was superfluous, and to offer her, her own choice in a suitable partner was his last parting gift. He didn't need to intrude or interfere on her right to find a mate, and it would make her feel uncomfortable. Thus, without any knowledge of this, Rin slowly grew more distant, and felt more abandoned.

It wasn't until she had reached the age of seventeen did she express her desire to leave the village to venture on her own for a place to stay. Lady Kaede didn't approve of her choice, but Rin was self reliant enough. She had no obligation to remain in the village as it seemed her Lord lost interest in her, and so there was nothing keeping her there. She had sold the elegant kimonos that her Lord gifted her with, for she outgrew them and she could no longer enjoy them. With the money acquired by selling her kimonos and other expensive trinkets, she was able to buy a small piece of land. The humans knew her name and her Lord well enough not to question a woman owning land. It was safer to simply ignore it. It was far off from Lady Kaede's village, and was far enough so that Rin felt her independence, her distance from the society of humans she felt suffocated in.

It had been two years since she had last heard from her Lord. She couldn't even remember his parting words to her. It wasn't a terribly memorable occasion because she hadn't expected it to be their last. Therefore, Rin felt twice betrayed. First to be abandoned in a village, and now to be abandoned by his presence completely. She tried not to let her disappointment and grief be expressed out onto others, and so when she finally moved, it caught up with her. Now that she lived by herself, she truly was isolated and alone. How had anyone expected her to fit into this world of humans? She didn't belong anywhere. Not demon, but not quite human, not even hanyou. She was just Rin. Rin the human that wasn't. The apple that lost its way from its tree and tried to blend into the pears. It was a lonely existence. Those two years, two years that turned the happy spirited girl who could find mirth and beauty in the slightest thing, into a hermit.

Even being alone, she found her simple joys. She never was idle. Rin kept herself busy, and still found things to smile about, but she found that there was no one there to express it to. It seemed that the mute child she had once been before she died came back with a vengeance.

She wasn't a nasty person, nor particularly depressed. She actually grew to rather enjoy the solitude, having preferred it to the life she knew she would have if she remained around humans. Lady Kaede would sometimes visit her, and on those occasions, Rin would smile and talk of all manner of things she found amusing and beautiful. Her greatest hobbies became star gazing and knot-tying. At one point, Lady Kaede brought her a gift. There was a demon that attacked the village, and InuYasha had disposed of the creature. Lady Kaede brought to her several of its long, thick hairs, which Rin braided into a thick corded whip. Rin kept it close to her and began to practice. The demonic whip offered a deadly slice that was capable of cutting down trees with a single swipe. Rin herself soon collected her fair share of scars.

Another year passed without incident. The villagers soon forgot Rin had even lived with them, and Rin did her best to forget all the trivial things the humans tried to teach her.

Lady Kaede got a visitor one breezy afternoon. It was not expected, but the wise woman accepted him into her village without hesitation. Jaken had paid a visit, on his master's orders to seek how his former ward was doing, and to whom she had settled down with. Though Lord Sesshomaru didn't wish to intrude on her new human life, he was hesitant to lose all traces of her, and he wished to hear of her doings after so long. To his surprise, he learned that Rin's awkwardness to the humans had not vanished like he thought it would, and that she never wed a human. He was further surprised to hear that Rin had chosen for herself to move away from the village and instead live a life of solitude several miles away.

It was what had brought him on his search to find her. It bothered this Sesshomaru that he was wrong about Rin. He had believed that being with her kind would be for the best, but it appeared that it only further drove her away. Sesshomaru hated being wrong about anything, especially when it involved something as serious as Rin. Rin was precious to him in a way that no other living creature was. He had watched over and guarded her since she was but a small child, and she had grown on him, like an infection in his blood. She couldn't be removed. It was hard for him to give her up to the humans. He was a selfish demon, and desired her for himself, but knew that he had to give Rin the opportunity to be a human girl. She had spent far too long in the presence of this demon. It was because of this that it bothered him so. How could he have been so wrong about Rin that he could not foresee that she would respond in such a way? To have wronged her in this way made his insides revolt, and demanded that he fix it. Sesshomaru didn't settle for failure or mistakes.

Night had fallen when he found her dwelling. It was meek and hidden and barely looked accommodating to any more than one person. He figured that the lonely stature of the shack perfectly reflected the personality of the one dwelling therein.

Her scent led him through a different path then to her house, as he originally set himself out to. At this time of night, one would think that a young woman would find herself wrapped in several layers of bedding and half way asleep. Instead, he found his footsteps following a half beaten path in the grass. Behind the house there was a large clearing, one that Sesshomaru could picture Rin frolicking in as a child.

It was the very image of paradise to the small child. She had loved picking flowers, and the field was absolutely covered in them. The moon played a light over the pastel colors that danced under its glow. Buttered yellows and rosy pinks tossed their scents into the wind and wafted into his senses. Even they smelled like Rin.

Seeing the child grow up brought forth many changes in the demon Lord. Humans did not operate like demons did. The passing of time was measured much differently, and humans tended to mature and age much faster and at a rate alarmingly different from demons. To watch the young girl blossom into a woman seemed to happen overnight. He remembered her as the small swaying thing with a big heart and even wider eyes. Such wide, innocent eyes. In time, she grew taller, with each of his visits; he noticed another change in her. A new curve, a smoother voice, longer legs. He had never been around humans long enough to realize how quickly they developed, but his own senses couldn't be fooled. Her scent changed dramatically from innocence, to the ripe, pungent aroma of womanhood. He could smell her femininity, and it drove his blood boiling.

It did not help as he found her that night, bathing in the moon's radiance, all her milky skin exposed to every one of its caresses. Rin used to do this often in her youth on tranquil nights, and he always dismissed it as childhood foolishness. Seeing her now, retaining the same innocence but in the body of a woman, brought upon a strange new sensation in him. She was dead to the world around her, unaware of his approaching form until he stood just a few yards away. The rustling of the grass made her sit up. He made no movement to hide his presence from her.

Rin gently sat up from the grass and peered curiously at this disturbance. Her eyes landed on the tall elegant form of her Lord and she froze. Her gaze held his for several long seconds, before she looked down at herself and pulled her clothing over her exposed body.

Sesshomaru had taught her, in her youth, that it was considered improper for her to show her body to any eyes but her own and her mate's. Rin had no real ideals behind modesty beyond that, and he knew it was more out of this ideology he had taught her than of actual modesty or embarrassment on her part that she covered herself now. Her cheeks weren't flushed with blush, nor were her actions nearly hasty enough to hint that her human teachings were in any effect. It was entirely done for his benefit.

"Lord Sesshomaru…"

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_Second half will be posted probably tomorrow. Its pretty wordy and I apologize. It started out as a character analysis thing but I got too into it. Anyway, please review!_


	2. Chapter 2

_Here's the final chapter. There's a bit of a lemon in it, thus the M rating, so hopefully that won't scare too many people off..._

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Chapter 2

"Lord Sesshomaru…"

Unlike many other human women he'd had the unpleasant experience in meeting, her voice wasn't high-pitched or squeaky, which always caused his sensitive ears to ache. His name on her lips was soft and breathy, and deeper than he'd remembered when she was younger. It was odd for her to respond so distant to his presence, however. She had always been full of enthusiasm at his company.

Rin sat there, unmoving, only staring. Her Lord made no move. His face remained as stoic as ever, the mask of collected indifference ever in place on his handsome features. Her eyes studied him for any visible change. But nothing revealed itself. Lord Sesshomaru was built and molded out of the finest marble, perfectly sculpted and bereft of any chips or blemishes. Where Rin had blossomed and grew, he remained perfectly the same.

Rin slowly sat up, adjusting the fabric around her only slightly as she continued to stare.

"Is there a reason you have returned?"

Her calm voice played in the breeze as she waited for his response. The wind brushed his silver hair over his shoulders. It was one of the largest changes in Rin. As she grew and his visits depleted, so did her childish enthusiasm. She no longer skipped and jumped at the sight of him. Her voice changed from excited and candid, to composed and warming. Even still, she had usually offered him a smile, and that smile could be heard in her voice. This time, the years apart offered her a new change, and he felt uncomfortable by her indifference.

"You have left the village," he spoke in a neutral tone of voice, empty of any anger or curiosity. Even still, Rin recognized the inquisitive statement.

"I have."

"I did not give you permission to do so."

"I had no reason to stay," she answered calmly. "I am passed the age of adulthood and can move about if I desire."

For a human woman, such a statement was rather bold, and he wondered if it was his own influence that she held such beliefs. Or maybe it was his half-brother's wench's influence. She always was rather outspoken for a woman and held such radical, fanciful ideals about women's rights to the point of improper. Then again, demons didn't view women in the same way, so such a bold statement didn't affect him the same way it would a human.

Rin could tell her words hit him even as his face didn't recognize it. His silence spoke louder than words did.

"Why?" he finally asked, face slowly twitching into slight displeasure as he approached. "Why have you decided to live away from the humans to stay in this little hut like a recluse?"

Rin's eyes closed as she sighed and stretched, unaware, or maybe uncaring, that her bare legs were further revealed in the movement and captured her Lord's eyes.

"Because I am not one of them," she answered simply, bereft of any spite or sarcasm.

"Don't speak such foolishness, Rin. You are a human."

Her eyes opened and stared straight into his golden eyes.

"I am a human, but I am not one of them." He gave her a displeased twitch of his lips, but Rin spoke before he measured her with another remark. "Why did you leave?"

There was a long moment of silence where the two of them merely stared at one another. Sesshomaru still standing before her, her still naked under the measly draping her outer kimono offered. She made no move to dress herself properly.

"This Sesshomaru never left, Rin," he answered simply.

"Of course you did, my Lord," Rin sighed gently, offering a small pitiful smile. "Is it because this Rin is human? Please be honest with me. If it because of this reason, I understand. I know I am not pure enough to be in your Lordship's presence."

His head cocked slightly to the side, golden eyes narrowing.

"What nonsense do you speak of?" he berated her gently.

"What other reason could there be for your parting? Why else leave me behind to mule around humans? I thought it was quite clear."

The wind blew past them. The cold breeze made Rin shiver because of her state of undress. The night was getting chillier. She pulled her kimono tighter to her, the motion not escaping her Lord's eye.

"You have always been worthy, Rin. That was never a question. To doubt my word is a great displeasure to me," he frowned slightly.

"Then why?" the human asked, tilting her head.

Sesshomaru's lips pursed.

"I believed… that you belonged with humans."

"Do you think that I would ever wish a life with them rather than with you, Lord Sesshomaru?" she asked wistfully.

"You had to be given the chance to experience the life that this Sesshomaru could never give you."

"And do you still think that I belong with them?" she began, slowly standing up. Her clothing shifted, revealing skin with her movements as she began inching her way closer to him.

The time apart had made her grow in yearning, and to have him so close was a tease to her senses, and they begged her to act. He did not stop her, nor divert his eyes as she stood before him, only holding her simple covering by her front. They locked eyes in that second, and time and place lost meaning. A hand rose to boldly touch his face. Never had she dared to go so close to her Lord. He was almost a vision of perfection she felt she would taint upon touching, and always refrained from doing so. But now, having him so close and his slightest touch warming up her body, she couldn't resist. He didn't stop her either, and so her hand caressed up and down his cheek, thumb tracing his markings in fascination. His warmth radiated off of him and her body sucked it up greedily, heating up her body in ways that only her dreams could ignite. She watched as her Lord's nostril's flared and his lips suddenly twitched.

"I do not regret sending you to the humans," he stated finally after a long pause, which only generated a deeper yearning inside of her. "But it was foolish to expect someone such as you to settle for the life of a human."

Rin seemed to come to life.

"Someone such as me?" she questioned in slight confusion. Her hands were growing bold by touching his face, and his receptiveness. She could see him tense, body grow stiff at her presence, at her warmth and at her touch. She took a daring step closer to him.

"Rin," he began calmly, his eyes capturing her. She could feel her breath pick up at his close proximity. She could feel his radiating warmth, see his chest rise and fall with breath, and it made her feel lightheaded and whimsy. Hearing her name spoken in such a whisper, such a tone that was faint and husky and so full of emotion… Lord Sesshomaru barely showed feelings. To another, his voice would not have sounded far different from his usual cold, indifferent tone. Yet, Rin knew. She always knew. She could read the subtle differences, and they spoke volumes.

"Why have you not accepted courtship from the humans?"

He would ask that of her. Rin sighed, but kept her eyes locked with her Lord's. Feeling his heat was causing her face to blush and her body to react.

"This Rin does not want from them," she spoke simply.

"You are of age," he continued, as if this was a good enough reason for her to accept. She saw his nostrils flare as she stepped even closer. She could feel his haori brushing against her bare skin. The demon silk was chilled in the weather, and made her shiver. Still he made no move to pull away from her touches or closeness, but yet had he to touch her. It was a yearning of hers.

"I wish not to mate with those humans."

Lord Sesshomaru cocked his head to the side at her words, more than aware of her use of "mate" instead of "marry," as the correct term was for a human.

She stepped closer still, until the armor he wore snagged slightly on her kimono, still loosely held in her grip. She could scarcely hear her Lord take in a sharp breath. He smelled divine. Like earth and freshly fallen rain and something that was distinctly male, distinctly demon, distinctly Sesshomaru. Her eyes stayed locked with his as her hand continued to stroke his cheek, a burning desire and question in her eyes.

Sesshomaru was not ignorant to such glances, she knew, nor could her changing scent have led him to any other conclusion. His mouth twitched as he became surrounded by her being, his heightened senses making him super aware.

"You know not of what you ask of this Sesshomaru," his voice held restrain and force. She could see him fighting himself, and she smiled up into his eyes, leaning slightly away.

When she backed up, Rin could see the slight confusion in his eyes. Only a small reaction barely noticeable, but there nonetheless. She remained focused on his eyes, and they refused to let go of her. Then, in one swift, decisive move, Rin released the hold on her kimono.

"I only ask that you accept this Rin for who she is. Do you accept this Rin for who she is? A human?"

There was silence for the longest time as the air caressed her skin in the most intimate of ways. Sesshomaru's body seemed to have stiffened even further. His eyes fell to her offered flesh, human flesh, and having her Lord gaze at her in such a way—in the way a man should look—made her stomach flutter. She was bereft of bashfulness or timidity of her nakedness. No blush colored her tanned skin, nor did she try to cover herself. She stood there with brash naked confidence. His eyes, barely expressive, grew enflamed. She could see it, even if he refused to show it. It was there, a beast behind him, fighting for control, control she had tested. She felt a surge of pride at being able to try the great Lord Sesshomaru's control.

"Rin knows what she desires, and so does her body. It cannot lie."

It was true, and he knew it was true. You could not hide from the longings one's own body held, it knew what it wanted whether your recognized it or not.

She stood there, vulnerable to him as never before, as she waited for his next move; the move that would mean everything.

Rin liked to think of herself as selfless and generous, but in this act she was very selfish. She had put her Lord in a very difficult situation to appease her own whims, her own heart. For years she had hated herself for being a human, cursed her flesh because of what it was and because of the limits it created for her. It was the reason Lord Sesshomaru would never see her as anything but a servant to him, a silly creature, or so she believed. She needed something to give. She needed proof; that despite being human, despite his words against humankind, he didn't see her as such. Words spoken were one thing, but the body could not lie. That was acceptance.

This position she put them in now would put to rest her concerns, one way or another. To reject her now would confirm her thoughts. She would know he was disgusted with her humanity, despite how he often told her otherwise and that he had left her with humans because he had no desire to be around that kind. But to accept her now… to accept her this night would be to silence all her fears. It would mean that he did not despise her for being something of a human, that despite the flesh she breathed in, he would welcome her into his life in a way she had always dreamed. It would bring about the only wish Rin had ever wanted. To be accepted as she was. If it didn't matter to her Lord, Rin would be free. To be totally and completely accepted.

The silence stretched on as the tension between the two thickened. She refused to lower her gaze to show the slightest bit of her uncertainty. Just as Sesshomaru could show a stoic face, she could show strength in her resolve. Brown eyes kept the gaze of gold, waiting for the slightest of movement. And finally, he did.

Lord Sesshomaru took a single step forward. That one step bridged the gap between them and put him once again in her face. Her hands clenched tightly to her side, unwilling to give into temptation and reach out and grasp him in her desperation to have him. This was his move. His chance. His stand.

His hands, so delicate and graceful and deadly, rose and placed themselves on her bare hips.

"This is what you desire?" his voice was level, yet deeper than she had ever heard it before. It was husky and graveled and combined with his touch, made her tremble.

Rin nodded her head.

She heard his growl, a sound she had never heard in such a way before, before he pulled her flush against his body. Rin gasped out slightly at the sensation, but wrapped her arms around him in reflex. The hands on her hips tightened.

"You desire this Sesshomaru?"

Again, she nodded her head, unable to find her voice to profess it.

"And this will prove this Sesshomaru's acceptance?"

Another nod.

It was a flurry of movements and touches, hot breaths and sounds that followed. Rin knew not when he had lowered her to the grass, her kimono cushioning her body. She knew not when he slowly shed his own layers. She only knew his glowing eyes and how they stared at her, unflinching and never breaking. When their skin made contact, it was a sudden jolt that finally broke her stupor. Never before had she felt the softness of his skin onto hers, and for the first time, she felt the most overwhelming sensation of warmth overcome her. Her eyes fell from his penetrating gaze to marvel at the sight offered to her. His skin was as pale as his face, not a spot darkened or tanned into a discoloration due to the sun—completely even. Deep purple markings slashed here and there across his broad chest and arms like several jagged, angry gashes, but she knew they would not bleed and even more that they weren't scars. Her hands hesitantly raised and traced one across his chest, eyes bright with wonder. How different his demon skin was from hers, and how glorious it was.

Her Lord followed her movements with patient eyes as her hand traced over the plains of his chest as it rose and fell with breath. He withheld his caresses then, and resolved to simply lean over her and observe her curious touches. Rin knew not the touch of a man, so the sight of such a perfect one in front of her begged for her probing, excited mind to touch and experience. Her hands drifted towards his arms, tense and flexing as her fingers ghosted over them. Again, her fingers traced the demonic markings.

Her curious hands grew in their search, Rin's insides tingling at the journey across such marble skin. She had never before known Lord Sesshomaru in such a way, and the thought alone excited her beyond belief, making her toes curl and her stomach to flutter. The familiar twinge between her legs grew stronger with her exploration, and she recognized the feeling all too well as the feeling she got the nights she stayed awake, fantasizing about her Lord.

Her touch traveled down his toned chest again, and her thumbs brushed across his abdomen, where she felt the ridges of his abdominal muscles. His navel was something that gave her a moment of thought. A demon as he was, but yet it was something they shared. Though they were different in species, they both were birthed the same way, both created in the same way. The thought that she had this tiny thing in common with her Lord made her content beyond belief.

When her hands drew lower to the trailing silver hairs, she thought she heard her Lord exhale erratically. Such a response excited her more. Anxious and stomach bubbling with excitement, her hands ventured into the hairs and raked her fingers through it. The hairs were rough and coarse and curled, nothing like the hairs on his head, and even less like the moko-moko fur. The feeling was strange and so very curious to her. When her fingers reached lower still, she began to notice her Lord's behavior change.

He had forgone simply observing her, and lowered his head into the crook of her neck as her fingers dared a sensitive place. She could feel his silken hair caress her face and his breath in hot puffs. His nose gently nuzzled her there as his hand gently found its place once again on her hip, the other supporting his body above hers.

Rin had seen naked men before. She had disobeyed Lady Kaede's orders about propriety and had spied on boys before. She knew of the strange organ that lay between their legs, and had often wondered how such a thing operated as a tool for sex. She stared at her Lord with open curious eyes now, marveling at the way it fit into her hand. It was velvet soft and felt rather delicate in her hands. She heard Sesshomaru grunt when she gave it a gentle, curious tug.

She looked over to see Sesshomaru had gone back to staring at her, and his eyes were blazing. Rin remembered how the boys in her village had stroked themselves in pleasure, and Rin tried to imitate their maneuvers as best she could. The reaction was instant. She felt the shaft in her hand pulse and stiffen, and before she could further her inquisitiveness, Sesshomaru grabbed her hand.

"Rin," his voice was husky and deep, and it made her shiver. Her legs trembled with want and she felt the wetness slick the insides of her thighs.

Caught in surprise, Rin turned her head sharply up to meet his gaze. His breath was only slightly heavy and his eyes smoldering, but they told her the order to stop, which she obeyed without question.

Sesshomaru held her gaze a moment longer before turning them to her wrist, which he still held grasped in his hand. He pulled it to his face and gently nuzzled the inside of her wrist before she felt something wet slick across it. The sensation caused her to gasp out audibly. She watched her Lord as once again, his pink hot tongue darted out from his mouth and licked the inside of her wrist.

Rin was trembling from the action, even more so when he released her hand to stare into her own before leaning in. Again, he nuzzled her neck and she submissively turned her head on pure instinct. This pleased her Lord beyond belief, and he began a gentle rain of languid licks up the side of her neck. The woman whimpered, hands reaching around her Lord and fisting in his mane of silver hair. When she felt him begin to growl, she whimpered louder, knowing that that was the reaction that would most please him. His mouth enveloped all across her neck, marking her with hot licks and bite marks that grew red from aggravation. As her noises grew louder and her legs spread on instinct, Sesshomaru's movements became more erratic and passionate. His hands began to roam places on her body that were forbidden, grasping her breasts and thighs and waist.

Rin was surrounded in a world completely new and wonderful to her. She knew nothing but her Lord, nothing but his touches, his caresses, his mouth and tongue and teeth and skin and growls. She lost it when she felt his fingers caress the intimate skin between her thighs. Her moaning reached his ears and further persuaded him to indulge her. They did not penetrate, no doubt for fear that his claws would rip the delicate flesh of her insides, but they played with her sensitive flesh before she was nothing but incoherent and blubbering.

His breath was heavy and hot against her wet neck, his tongue lathing her skin to the point that the cold air tingled the skin. Her core ached to have him and she felt against her thigh that he was wanting of her, and the knowledge brought a tear to her eye. Yes, he surely did want her, even though her body was human…

He had turned her around before she was consciously aware of it. Sesshomaru had smelled her tears, but paid them no attention, as he prepared himself behind her. Rin grunted at his entry into her body. She felt her skin break and did not fear the blood or pain that followed. Kaede had warned her of such a thing. Sesshomaru was aggressive in his thrusts, but not indifferent of her pain. He moved at a slow pace, letting her adjust to the invasion as he grunted into her ears from over her shoulder. His hand pulled her back tightly against his chest, while the other grasped at her breast, and Rin knew nothing but bliss. The pain wasn't as unbearable as Lady Kaede said it would be, or maybe it was because Rin had known much pain and death in her life and this did not compare to it. All she knew was the wonderful feelings and grunts and growling her Lord was making over her as he accepted her so completely.

Rin did not know how long she had spent on her knees, gasping and moaning as he thrust into her, she only knew that when her arms were too weak to hold her body up anymore and she collapsed, Sesshomaru rested her on her back before continuing. Her arms wrapped around him on pure instinct, and she found herself licking and biting his own neck the first chance that was offered to her. Sesshomaru growled loudly at her touches and thrust harder, holding her thighs tightly as he buried his face in her neck, breathing in heavily.

It was a dream to her, a surreal experience that left her completely in a haze of heat, passion and delight. When her stomach tightened in release, she didn't fight it, but rode its wave with excitement. Her back arched off the ground and her legs tightened around him, and she howled loudly. Sesshomaru stiffened above her, and she felt him growl rather than hear him. She felt him release his hot seed inside of her and then stop all motion entirely. Rin almost mourned the loss.

She was breathing heavily, body slick with sweat and their activities, but she glowed. Her smile lit up her face like it had when she was a small child, happy and content and accepted. She didn't want the experience to end, and in a fit of childishness, she clung to him with her arms and legs, burying her face in his neck and inhaling deeply his scent.

She felt him begin to pull away and she grieved the thought of letting go, but she was too exhausted to stop him. She watched curiously as he slinked down her body, eyes full of intention, until she could feel his breath on her sensitive flesh. He leaned in to her surprise, and his hot tongue began lapping at her heat, cleaning her of her blood and their essence. The touch burned her skin and made it scream with life once again. His movements were languid, but purposeful, almost ritualistic in their nature, almost as if this was a necessary conclusion to their endeavor, and Rin was not sure if it wasn't to a demon.

Whether intentional or not, Rin felt herself become undone again by his tongue. She exhaled loudly his name and tensed. A few moments later, her body relaxed and she collapsed boneless in the grass. Sesshomaru continued his cleaning despite her twitching, sensitive flesh. When he sat up, she watched his tongue lap across his lips and met his penetrating stare. She could not truly read the expression it held, but he did not look unsatisfied or disappointed. A part of her was reeling with happiness knowing that she could please her Lord in such a way.

Before another movement was made, Rin sat herself up and flung herself into his arms. Her Lord grunted at the sudden contact, taken slightly by surprise. Her arms enfolded his waist, breathing him in and his warmth as if she would never feel it again.

"Rin…. Rin is happy," her voice was strained and her throat was so tight she barely got the words out. She hadn't noticed she was crying until that point. Her emotions swirled in her, a mixture of comfort, relief, fulfillment, arousal and yes, happiness. It was an empty space until then, the clubbing strike of self-loathing and doubt had ate away at her. But he was here. Her Lord was here and in her arms and accepted her so richly…

"She is sorry… Rin is sorry!" Her soft whimpers had turned into full out wails. She had picked up the habit of talking in third person from her travels with her Lord, and all but grew out of them after she had gone to the humans, but being here now with him brought it all back. Her fists balled against his back and she buried her face into his chest. "Rin doubted Lord Sesshomaru! Rin doubted you!"

Her sobs wracked her frame as she spilled out her happiness and sorrow into him. Her lord was as strong as ever, a pillar of strength, unyielding. He sat there, letting her cry and made not one movement to speak or remove her. But he was there, and he was letting her weep on him, and that was enough for her.

She continued to cry until her sobs quieted into whimpers and hiccups. Her Lord's gentle heartbeat slowly brought her back to a calmed state. She focused on the rhythm, letting it lull her.

"Is Rin satisfied?" His voice broke out finally. He must have noticed she calmed down. His voice was a gentle whisper, but a steely pitch.

Rin sniffed and sat up from his arms. Her tear streaked face looked up until her eyes met with his golden ones. She paused for the briefest second over the absurdity of such a comment from her Lord. Of course she was satisfied. Not simply physically, but the wounds of doubt and depression she harbored for years could now be healed. She gave a small laugh and sniffed again.

"Of course my Lord. Please, forgive this foolish one for doubting."

His eyes never flinched from her own, searching into her eyes for some unknown secrets. It felt that he was peering into her soul, his stare powerful enough to make her open up and give him everything.

His palm rose and sharp nailed fingers gentle wiped away her tears. He studied the wet substance on his fingers for a time, eyes narrowing slightly and fingers rubbing the liquid together. He marveled at her tears as if he had never seen such a thing before.

"Do not shed tears again. They are unbefitting you."

"They are tears of joy, my Lord," Rin shook her head. This idea only proved to confuse him further. His face showed no emotion, but his head cocked to the side.

"Strange," was all he uttered in response. Yes it was. She assumed it was just a bizarre, human oddity no amount of training could remove from her nature.

There was a lapse of silence. Her Lord did nothing to remove her from his lap, and Rin made no movement to get up from her perch. She nestled in further and pushed her luck, grabbing her Lord's arms and wrapping them around her. He was tense at first, hesitant and unsure of her purpose, but eventually succumbed to her folly and pulled her tighter to his chest. Again she breathed in his wondrous smell.

"Lord Sesshomaru," she began after another long silence. "Have I asked too much of you this night that I cannot plead for yet another favor?"

Her Lord had been so patient with her tonight, so selfless and generous. He had given her so much simply because she demanded it and by all rights she had no reason to ask anything more of him, but she felt she had to. She would understand however, if he dismissed her folly dreams.

"Speak," he affirmed, alighting her heart with joy.

She pulled back from his arms and found his eyes once again.

"My Lord, I wish for you to take me with you."

"Do you not wish to settle here, in this dwelling of yours?" he tilted his head yet again.

"Rin's home is wherever you are, my Lord," she praised, her eyes lighting up like they did in her youth. "I would follow you into the mouth of the abyss again, if I have to."

He gave another pause. "This is your desire?"

"Always. Rin wishes to remain by her Lord's side forever." Rin wasn't naive enough to not know what she was asking, though. There would be complications between the two of them in his home. Rin wasn't demon. She wouldn't be acceptable to them. But a childish part of her didn't care. She would be willing to go through any hardship in order to remain by his side. Even if she could not be his mate, even if he eventually refused her affection, she was comforted simply by what he gave her this night and what it meant-his acceptance.

She heard his chest exhale sharply, half grunting and she realized with a wave of shock, that it was some form of a laugh. "Fanciful dreams," he grunted out, and Rin would not have believed the sound was made from him had she not been in his lap and felt the rumble in his chest. "Foolish creature that you are, Rin. Do you truly understand the implications?"

Rin was caught halfway of being hurt and half way from being amused. It was the first time she had ever heard her Lord laugh, but his words didn't sound scorning, but merely… amused.

"I'm glad I am amusing to you, My Lord…" Rin mumbled. But she knew he was right.

"I am aware of what may become of this... or what may not," it was painful to voice, Rin realized as her throat constricted. Her fists clenched involuntarily. "But I don't care. Rin will be happy simply being close to you. Your presence brings me comfort... it makes me feel accepted... and wanted."

Maybe that was something she had always secretly yearned for. Rin had never been wanted by anyone. She had never had someone need of her. She was always on her own and fighting for herself. Never had she had someone desire her company or need her help. Even as a small child, maybe that was what drove her to the injured demon that day. His presence caused her no fear because she was used to pain and hatred. Humans had already disowned her, what more could that beautiful demon do? Her childish mind grasped at the opportunity to nurture someone else. She desperately wanted someone to have to rely on _her_. She just wanted to be needed and loved, even in some small way, even if by a demon. Even after she started traveling with him, it wasn't because he somehow needed her, but she yearned for it, and liked to pretend that he did.

Her Demon Lord stared into her eyes fiercely. The solemn, question hanging between them like a pendulum. She was asking too much, she knew, but Rin was selfish. Rin was weak and lonely and in love and she couldn't help it. She was only human.

"Rin."

Her name. Always when spoken from his lips made her skin prickle and her stomach to flip. Her glassy eyes stared up at him with all the hope and love and worship one could ever express. His hands came up and he stroked her cheek. The gesture was poetically romantic if Sesshomaru was aware of human affections.

But was it a mistake to ask? Rin surely didn't know, but she would and she had no concept of the inner workings of her Lord's mind now. People would question. She would be labeled his whore. Or maybe simply his pet. She had no idea of the vows he had to break by bringing her into his world, the beliefs in which he lived by, the codes, morales and his very nature that screamed against it. If she did, maybe she would fully understand the level of his devotion when he leaned in and whispered a ghost breath across her lips.

"So be it."

He then kissed her.

* * *

_I wound up rewriting the ending three times now. I don't even know if I like it. Its hard to imagine what Rin's place would be in Sesshomaru's demon world. She IS a human, and I would assume that he would need an heir, a DEMON heir... so I don't know how far Sesshomaru would be willing to go for that... especially if it involves 'making his father's mistake.' As I'm sure he'd call it. But I guess that's what makes their story so sweet, though. Sesshomaru's character evolves so much that he 'gets over' hating humans and grows to love one of them... Rin is a very special girl indeed. :) Anyway, I hope you liked it, please review! _


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